I woke up around 11:45pm from getting about 2 hours of sleep with what felt like gas and low back pain. I got up to go to the bathroom and the pain seemed to intensify. It is not like my body to have to go “number 2” in the middle of the night, but this was no normal night. After sitting on the toilet for about 15 minutes Rory came in to see if everything was ok. He was in the living room watching a movie. I told him that I was feeling pretty intense pain in my low back, coming in waves that were almost right on top of each other and lasting about 30 seconds. From what we learned this was not how the typical early first stage labor happens. In a typical early labor the mother’s contractions are much more spaced out, so we were not yet convinced that I was in labor. I tried lying down again to get some more sleep, but every time I tried my body would scream at me to get up. I found getting on my hands and knees and spiraling my body around helped a bit. The pain kept coming every 1-3 minutes; Rory suggested I get in the shower, so I did. I allowed the warm water to spray on my low back, which helped, but the pain kept coming. At this point Rory started packing a bag for the trip to our midwife’s birth center, Beach Cities Midwifery, in Long Beach.
We learned to use distractions
during first stage labor to keep the mind off of the contractions, so we put in
Finding Nemo. I was able to watch about 10 minutes before the contractions got
so intense I needed to focus on relaxing through them. I started humming with each
one, moving back and forth from leaning over our dining room table to my hands
and knees on the floor. The rest between contractions was so short so I never
really veered from these positions. Around 2am Rory called our doula Bethany to
let her know what was happening and that we would want her to head over soon. He
also called the midwife, my sister, my mom, and his mom so everyone was in the
loop. Bethany arrived to our place around 2:45am and immediately timed a
contraction to see what we were working with. After timing 2 within 5 minutes
she said we should probably head over to the midwifery. I agreed and Rory got
the car ready. The 10-minute drive was
not too bad; I only had 2 contractions and was humming the entire time. To stay
in the hands and knees position we moved the front passenger seat all the way
forward so I could be on my knees on the floor in the back leaning over the
seat, moving around as needed. Bethany followed us in her car.
We arrived to the midwifery a bit
after 3am where the midwife, Caroline, greeted us. I asked if the tub could be
filled so I could get in it. While it was being filled Caroline checked my
dilation finding I was already 8cm dilated. I resumed the hands and knees
position in the bathroom until the tub was ready for me. As soon as I got in
the tub I felt a big release of pressure and was able to rest a bit easier
between contractions. Shortly after I got in the tub my sister Kristen arrived
to witness the birth of her first nephew. After a little while the lights were
dimmed, soft mantra music was turned on, and a candle was lit; the mood was
being set for this precious new life to come into the world.
After about an hour, I felt the
urge to push. My bag of waters had not broken yet so the pressure on my hips
was intensified. I found pushing down on my hips during contractions helped a
bit with the pain, and I continued to hum through the pain with eyes closed. I
kept reminding myself to keep my face and hands relaxed. My doula Bethany was a
great help in reminding me to keep my hums at a low pitch and guiding me
through the pushing stage. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and
at one point I didn’t think the baby was going to fit, but I wanted him out of
me. I knew, as well as the attendants that I was nearing the end and we would
have our baby very soon. The Bradley Method classes we took with Lia during the
pregnancy taught us about the different emotional signposts to watch for during
labor that gives a good idea of how things are progressing. Rory did a great
job keeping calm and relaxed, I could tell he was focusing all of his attention
on me, even though I was completely turned inward and not really aware of what
was going on around me. Everyone kept telling me I was doing so well. Even
though it did not feel like I was, it was good to hear some positive
reinforcement.
Caroline checked my dilation once
more just to make sure I could start pushing safely. I was at 10cm, the time to
push. I tried squatting through some of the contractions because I knew this
made it easier for the baby to come down and out, but I still only found the
most comfort in the hands and knees position. I was leaning over the end of the
tub with Caroline behind me outside the tub waiting to catch baby Aden. After
about 2 hours of pushing I reached down to feel my baby’s head but instead felt
the bag of waters, which had not yet ruptured. Just then a very strong
contraction came and the sac broke and the baby’s head was making an
appearance. For some reason I asked if my baby had hair on his head, they told
me we didn’t know yet and to keep pushing. Next thing I knew Caroline told me
to reach down and feel my baby’s head of hair. After just a few more pushes and
a lot of great coaching from my birth team, I was able to push through the ring
of fire and get my baby’s head out, one more push and he was born in the tub on
May 19th at 6:20am. Because I gave birth on my hands and knees, I had
to maneuver my leg around the umbilical cord to flip over so I could hold my
baby for the first time.
I can’t explain the feeling right
after giving birth. It was by far the most magical experience I have ever had.
It was every emotion all tied into one. We all have come here to planet Earth
to be humans and feel emotions. For me, having a baby is the climax of
everything I have known in this lifetime. At one point just before Aden was out
I remember saying, “People do this more than once?!” I could not imagine going
through that again, but now that it’s been a few weeks I understand. Through
all the pain is a precious gift. Like a lotus flower, we must grow up through
the mud and into the light of day. This is our reality and our existence, as we
know it.
Still in the tub, Rory and I were
having much needed family bonding time as we allowed the cord to stop pulsating
so baby could get all the nutrients from the placenta. Once it was done
Caroline clamped the cord and Rory cut it. It was then time to get out of the
tub and all cleaned up. Rory took Aden, and the attendants helped me out of the
tub and to the bed. I noticed I was bleeding quite a bit on the way to the bed.
As soon as the attendants noticed they took action. I got a shot of Pitocin to
get the placenta out faster and any blood clots. Once the placenta was out
Caroline began to dig into my lower abdomen hard with her fist. It felt like I
was being tortured, it almost hurt worse than labor, but it was necessary for
Caroline to control the bleeding. After they got it under control I was able to
sit back in the bed and hold my baby once again, but because I lost over a
liter of blood I started getting really light headed and dizzy. I must have
looked as bad as I felt because they immediately hooked me up to an IV. Aden
was back with Rory now while I regained my strength. At one point I remember
seeing geometric shapes and a giant colorful snowflake, the blood loss was
making me hallucinate! Through this, what some would call a traumatic
experience, I was never worried. I was still in the bliss of having my baby out
and seeing how perfect and precious he is.
After about 3 or 4 hours on the IV
and having another dizzy spell, my friend Bethel who encapsulated my placenta
showed up. She heard about me hemorrhaging and brought a magic bullet blender
filled with fruit to make a smoothie for me. Before blending it up she cut a
chunk out of my placenta and tossed it in the blender. Yes, I ate my placenta
in a smoothie and it tasted like bananas! Before I even finished the whole
smoothie I started feeling a million times better. Rory said the color was coming
back in my lips and face. After 5 or 10 minutes I was able to get up to and
walk (with help) to the bathroom. I had to get all those fluids out of me from
the IV!
Back in bed with baby Aden, I
attempted to get some sleep, but found it hard because of the crazy experience
I just had. The whole thing kept playing over and over in my mind, wondering
how the whole thing was even possible. It truly was magical, and at the same
time it was the hardest thing I have ever done and probably will ever do. I
then ate half of a burrito Rory got me and within the next couple hours
Caroline said we could go home. It was around 1pm when we made our way back
home and into our own bed. Because of my blood loss, Caroline followed us to
make sure I got up the stairs and into my bed ok. Once home, Rory and I
continued to bond with our new joy.
Some women say they had a very
traumatic birthing experience. Even with the blood loss I still feel no trauma
from my experience. It is something I will never forget, nor do I want to. It
was the most Love filled day of my life. I want to thank my amazing birth team
Rory, Bethany, Kristen, Bethel, Caroline, Birgitte, and Shantel for all the
support and encouragement. I do not see how I could have done it without all of
you. I have transitioned into motherhood and could not be happier!
In my opinion, giving birth is the
most intense experience life has to offer physically, mentally, emotionally,
and spiritually. I was able to stay completely present in each moment and tune
into myself in order to push through the pain. I have to say it was a
physically painful experience, but the joy and bliss I felt immediately after
giving birth to my son was enough to make up for all the pain life has to
offer. I believe life is what we make it. I wanted an amazing birthing
experience and that’s what I got. Some may not find it easy to push through the
pain and fears, but we all have the capability to do so. All it takes is the
willingness and faith in our Selves. I am very happy to say that I am a proud
mother of a beautiful baby boy, Aden Darius Nakhjiri.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waking up throughout the night to empty the bladder is normal when pregnant, especially in the third trimester close to the due date. This night I woke up at 2am to go and had a little trouble falling back asleep. I started feeling what I thought were contractions but wasn’t convinced yet. With my first child it was so intense right from the beginning, but this time it was mellower so I actually stayed lying in bed to start timing contractions. They were definitely happening in waves, lasting about 45-60 seconds every 4-7 minutes, and they were mild to moderate in intensity. From what I learned in the Bradley Method classes from my first pregnancy, this was pretty normal and I was becoming more convinced I was in labor. A couple hours into it I got up to go "number 2", this was also an indicator that baby Cael was making his way down and my body was getting ready to push him out.
Around 4:30am I texted my mom, who was taking me to the hospital, and told her it was happening but no hurry on getting to my place because it was happening slow and steady. I then started getting all the last minute items ready I needed to bring to the hospital with me and then got back in bed with sleeping Aden, who I co-sleep with. The contractions were still about the same so I told my mom to just get to my place at 6am because I knew that’s when Aden would probably wake up. I got back out of bed around 5:30am and sat on the couch continuing to time the contractions. This labor was nothing at all like the fast and furious labor I had with Aden where I had to be on my hands and knees the whole time. I was more comfortable and knew more of what to expect so that probably helped.
Just as I had predicted Aden comes walking out to the living room at 6am and shortly after that my parents arrived. My step dad Mick would be watching Aden while my mom and I went to the hospital. Even though I knew now that I was in labor I wanted to wait until the contractions were more severe before leaving for the hospital so I could labor in the comfort of my home as long as possible. I continued to sit on the couch timing contractions while my parents kept Aden entertained and fed him breakfast, etc. I think it was about 8:30am that I decided to start heading to the hospital because the contractions were getting more intense consistently.
It only took about 10mins or less to get to River Park Hospital and the car ride was a breeze. I had a couple contractions on the way but was able to just sit through them, unlike Aden’s labor where I was in the back seat on my hands and knees. When we arrived, the nurse took me to a room to check my labor progress, baby’s heart rate, dilation and contractions. I was 7cm and everything was progressing well. On a side note, I was already 5cm at my doctor’s appointment the day before I went into labor. So once the nurse knew I was about to have this baby she put me in the room where I would deliver Cael, which was actually very nice and homey considering it was a hospital. Having Aden in a birthing center with a Midwife was nice but they don’t have that option in this small town and I didn’t want to travel 45mins for that experience again so I stuck with the hospital, which turned out great. The staff respected my birth plan and were very nice and helpful.
Around 10am my doctor showed up and said she could break my bag of water, which would speed up labor, but I said no, I wanted it all to happen naturally. So I continued to labor sitting on the hospital bed with my mom in the room and mantra music playing. The nurse would come in every so often to check on me. It didn’t take long before the contractions were so intense I had to really focus and relax to get through them. I started humming through contractions like I did for Aden’s birth, I knew that would work again and it did. At about 11am my doctor came back in and checked my dilation, I was at 10cm but didn’t really feel the urge to push. The nurses began prepping the room for delivery and they had me try a few different positions to see if that would help me push. I finally found the magic position, in a seated squat holding my legs back, and Cael was out 20 minutes later. A lot easier than the 2 hours I pushed with Aden. After about 9 hours of labor Cael was born naturally on June 2, 2015 @ 11:28am, 8.1lbs, 19 ½ inches. This also happened to be my moms birthday. Happy Birthday mom! ;)
Like with Aden’s birth I do remember saying “I never want to do this again!” It is the most intense thing anyone can put their body through and I don’t know how women do it 4,5,6+ times. They say each one gets easier but that is relative. I would say this time was a bit “easier” but I think only because I kinda knew what I was doing and how to control my body in a way that works for me. It is a magical thing to give birth, all the different emotions and feelings swirling around inside of this vortex of Love. The first time holding a new life in your arms is like heaven on Earth. Nothing else exists and nothing else matters. This new life is so fresh, so pure, so close to source, pure Love. The hormones and emotions that wash over the human body at birth are out of this world. For a moment in time, if the mother is tuned in enough, she feels this perfect blissful state of being that we humans can’t even fully describe and explain because we don’t fully understand, yet. In this moment we remember what it is like to be pure infinite Love, and in this moment we are One.
Thankfully I did not hemorrhage this time like I did with Aden, and no tearing, yay! The healing process was a lot quicker and easier this time, which is good. And thankfully, it is not as hard as I was expecting it to be having a newborn and a toddler as a single mom. Ceal is a mellow baby and Aden loves him and loves to help me with things he can. Having my parents around to help is also a huge relief so I can have one-on-one time with each of my boys. I am very thankful for my amazing parents. I believe in a lot of different things but the one thing that connects it all is Love. As long as I can stay in this space, anything is possible, and I can be happy in any situation. Easier said than done sometimes which is why it is an ongoing practice while being human here on Earth.
To be repeated everyday:
Today is a good day to have a great day. To smile more, worry less. To be the very best version of mySlef. To do more of what makes me happy, every day. To be positive and regret nothing. To be humble and work hard. Every day may not be good but find something good in every day. Laugh, Love, Live. Follow my dreams. Believe in mySlef and remember to be Awesome. <3
Around 4:30am I texted my mom, who was taking me to the hospital, and told her it was happening but no hurry on getting to my place because it was happening slow and steady. I then started getting all the last minute items ready I needed to bring to the hospital with me and then got back in bed with sleeping Aden, who I co-sleep with. The contractions were still about the same so I told my mom to just get to my place at 6am because I knew that’s when Aden would probably wake up. I got back out of bed around 5:30am and sat on the couch continuing to time the contractions. This labor was nothing at all like the fast and furious labor I had with Aden where I had to be on my hands and knees the whole time. I was more comfortable and knew more of what to expect so that probably helped.
Just as I had predicted Aden comes walking out to the living room at 6am and shortly after that my parents arrived. My step dad Mick would be watching Aden while my mom and I went to the hospital. Even though I knew now that I was in labor I wanted to wait until the contractions were more severe before leaving for the hospital so I could labor in the comfort of my home as long as possible. I continued to sit on the couch timing contractions while my parents kept Aden entertained and fed him breakfast, etc. I think it was about 8:30am that I decided to start heading to the hospital because the contractions were getting more intense consistently.
It only took about 10mins or less to get to River Park Hospital and the car ride was a breeze. I had a couple contractions on the way but was able to just sit through them, unlike Aden’s labor where I was in the back seat on my hands and knees. When we arrived, the nurse took me to a room to check my labor progress, baby’s heart rate, dilation and contractions. I was 7cm and everything was progressing well. On a side note, I was already 5cm at my doctor’s appointment the day before I went into labor. So once the nurse knew I was about to have this baby she put me in the room where I would deliver Cael, which was actually very nice and homey considering it was a hospital. Having Aden in a birthing center with a Midwife was nice but they don’t have that option in this small town and I didn’t want to travel 45mins for that experience again so I stuck with the hospital, which turned out great. The staff respected my birth plan and were very nice and helpful.
Around 10am my doctor showed up and said she could break my bag of water, which would speed up labor, but I said no, I wanted it all to happen naturally. So I continued to labor sitting on the hospital bed with my mom in the room and mantra music playing. The nurse would come in every so often to check on me. It didn’t take long before the contractions were so intense I had to really focus and relax to get through them. I started humming through contractions like I did for Aden’s birth, I knew that would work again and it did. At about 11am my doctor came back in and checked my dilation, I was at 10cm but didn’t really feel the urge to push. The nurses began prepping the room for delivery and they had me try a few different positions to see if that would help me push. I finally found the magic position, in a seated squat holding my legs back, and Cael was out 20 minutes later. A lot easier than the 2 hours I pushed with Aden. After about 9 hours of labor Cael was born naturally on June 2, 2015 @ 11:28am, 8.1lbs, 19 ½ inches. This also happened to be my moms birthday. Happy Birthday mom! ;)
Like with Aden’s birth I do remember saying “I never want to do this again!” It is the most intense thing anyone can put their body through and I don’t know how women do it 4,5,6+ times. They say each one gets easier but that is relative. I would say this time was a bit “easier” but I think only because I kinda knew what I was doing and how to control my body in a way that works for me. It is a magical thing to give birth, all the different emotions and feelings swirling around inside of this vortex of Love. The first time holding a new life in your arms is like heaven on Earth. Nothing else exists and nothing else matters. This new life is so fresh, so pure, so close to source, pure Love. The hormones and emotions that wash over the human body at birth are out of this world. For a moment in time, if the mother is tuned in enough, she feels this perfect blissful state of being that we humans can’t even fully describe and explain because we don’t fully understand, yet. In this moment we remember what it is like to be pure infinite Love, and in this moment we are One.
Thankfully I did not hemorrhage this time like I did with Aden, and no tearing, yay! The healing process was a lot quicker and easier this time, which is good. And thankfully, it is not as hard as I was expecting it to be having a newborn and a toddler as a single mom. Ceal is a mellow baby and Aden loves him and loves to help me with things he can. Having my parents around to help is also a huge relief so I can have one-on-one time with each of my boys. I am very thankful for my amazing parents. I believe in a lot of different things but the one thing that connects it all is Love. As long as I can stay in this space, anything is possible, and I can be happy in any situation. Easier said than done sometimes which is why it is an ongoing practice while being human here on Earth.
To be repeated everyday:
Today is a good day to have a great day. To smile more, worry less. To be the very best version of mySlef. To do more of what makes me happy, every day. To be positive and regret nothing. To be humble and work hard. Every day may not be good but find something good in every day. Laugh, Love, Live. Follow my dreams. Believe in mySlef and remember to be Awesome. <3
Cael Roshan Nakhjiri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Freebirth
✨
(unassisted home birth) the story of how Beau came into the world has
been replaying in my mind over and over. Out of all my births, this one
is pretty much the craziest yet simplest birth with not much of a story
at all....
November 17, 2016 I woke in the night feeling contractions, I think I was about 41 weeks but I could be wrong, I was definitely ready and had been for a while. We had been planning this freebirth for a while and were anticipating Beau's arrival... my year and a half old Cael ended up waking up around 4:30am probably knowing what was about to happen so Neil got to wrangle him while I proceeded to labor. Aden my 3 year old woke around 6am I think and at this point I was transitioning (just before pushing). I knew this because I was having those heavy feelings of doubt and crazy strong emotions flooding me entirely, but I kept positive and calm. I made the decision to move from the living room to the bed to find the most comfortable position, I know my body very well and listen to it's cues to move through anything. Like with both other births I hummed through most contractions which helps me to stay calm and relaxed to move baby out quickly and easily!.. everything was ready and I was lying on my side as it felt the most comfortable position when I started pushing through contractions, very strong pushes, I could feel Beau moving down the birth canal, and by about the third push I reached down to feel his head as I began to sit up in a semi squat like position and out flies Beau gently onto the bed. He came out so fast lol I made sure to keep him close to me. The crazy part is Neil was in the other room with Aden and Cael while this happened, he came in and there was Beau on the bed, lol! I immediately noticed the chord wrapped around the back of his neck, not on the front of his neck at all, so I just popped it off then rolled him on his side and started rubbing and massaging him gently as he began to cry. Soon after we started nursing and bonding. Such a magical moment. So empowering to know that I can bring new life into this world all on my own. I could have not done it without the support from Neil who was calm and reassuring through the whole 5 hours it took.. I took motherswart tincture to help prevent excess bleeding and we waited about 45mins to cut the cord and placenta came out. This is a very sacred and precious preocess to us so was done with lots of intention and care.... there's not much left to the story unless you have a specific question I would love to answer and be support to new mamas etc.... with all my love <3
Freebirth
✨
(unassisted home birth) the story of how Beau came into the world has
been replaying in my mind over and over. Out of all my births, this one
is pretty much the craziest yet simplest birth with not much of a story
at all....November 17, 2016 I woke in the night feeling contractions, I think I was about 41 weeks but I could be wrong, I was definitely ready and had been for a while. We had been planning this freebirth for a while and were anticipating Beau's arrival... my year and a half old Cael ended up waking up around 4:30am probably knowing what was about to happen so Neil got to wrangle him while I proceeded to labor. Aden my 3 year old woke around 6am I think and at this point I was transitioning (just before pushing). I knew this because I was having those heavy feelings of doubt and crazy strong emotions flooding me entirely, but I kept positive and calm. I made the decision to move from the living room to the bed to find the most comfortable position, I know my body very well and listen to it's cues to move through anything. Like with both other births I hummed through most contractions which helps me to stay calm and relaxed to move baby out quickly and easily!.. everything was ready and I was lying on my side as it felt the most comfortable position when I started pushing through contractions, very strong pushes, I could feel Beau moving down the birth canal, and by about the third push I reached down to feel his head as I began to sit up in a semi squat like position and out flies Beau gently onto the bed. He came out so fast lol I made sure to keep him close to me. The crazy part is Neil was in the other room with Aden and Cael while this happened, he came in and there was Beau on the bed, lol! I immediately noticed the chord wrapped around the back of his neck, not on the front of his neck at all, so I just popped it off then rolled him on his side and started rubbing and massaging him gently as he began to cry. Soon after we started nursing and bonding. Such a magical moment. So empowering to know that I can bring new life into this world all on my own. I could have not done it without the support from Neil who was calm and reassuring through the whole 5 hours it took.. I took motherswart tincture to help prevent excess bleeding and we waited about 45mins to cut the cord and placenta came out. This is a very sacred and precious preocess to us so was done with lots of intention and care.... there's not much left to the story unless you have a specific question I would love to answer and be support to new mamas etc.... with all my love <3
